tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post4987450216155883997..comments2024-01-18T05:02:46.000-08:00Comments on Tiny Grace Notes (Ask an Autistic): Dealing With Family's Clueless QuestionsElizabeth J. (Ibby) Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08330631899371657005noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-12019970097375385212013-08-04T07:51:12.413-07:002013-08-04T07:51:12.413-07:00Awesome example!! I'm so glad you're here ...Awesome example!! I'm so glad you're here too! xoxoxo Elizabeth J. (Ibby) Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08330631899371657005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-84189823439916160962013-08-04T07:48:49.372-07:002013-08-04T07:48:49.372-07:00Too right!!!Too right!!!Elizabeth J. (Ibby) Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08330631899371657005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-45453181904983047982013-08-03T10:03:52.263-07:002013-08-03T10:03:52.263-07:00There are plenty of deaf people that do not learn ...There are plenty of deaf people that do not learn to speak using their mouths. However, they do learn sign and are able to communicate their needs well. That is all that matters. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-56596487494608931002013-08-02T20:39:18.541-07:002013-08-02T20:39:18.541-07:00This is not about the talking (or lack of), but ra...This is not about the talking (or lack of), but rather about how to redirect the fixated family members. <br /><br />I was recently successful at redirecting a family member who was overly concerned about my son's eye contact. She's brought it up on a few occassions and I tried the nice, indirect approach to no avail. The last time she brought it up, she mentioned how my son's cousin who also is Autistic has made so much progress in therapy and now has "normal" eye contact. I used that as a segue to say that yes, there are two camps in Autismland about eye contact and some people feel it is Very Important and others...not so much. And that we fall in the category of those who don't think eye conctact is all that important in the scheme of things and here's why...and I explained our philosophy to her. <br /><br />I think, like you said, she was trying to show her concern. She seemed happy to be "in the know" about this other camp of non-eye-lookers that she'd never even considered.<br /><br />I am so glad to have found your blog. I am getting so much out of reading it!<br />Tracy<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-44327485957210535522013-08-02T14:33:24.199-07:002013-08-02T14:33:24.199-07:00Ketomom you sound like a wonderful friend. I hope...Ketomom you sound like a wonderful friend. I hope I see you round here some more :) xoxo I am betting there's a whole bunch of people saying that same thing about the support they get from YOU!Elizabeth J. (Ibby) Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08330631899371657005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-83128796032685122702013-08-02T14:32:12.884-07:002013-08-02T14:32:12.884-07:00Judgy McJudgersons that aren't even going to l...Judgy McJudgersons that aren't even going to listen nohow (get ready for my scholarly professional opinion right here) they can just kiss my sweet patootie. I am with you on that one all the way. Fortunately that's not most folks. They're just really loud so it sometimes feels like it. I send you love and a patented patootie guard, just in case.Elizabeth J. (Ibby) Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08330631899371657005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-31807573201787994762013-08-02T14:28:43.291-07:002013-08-02T14:28:43.291-07:00Thanks for coming Nicole and I agree thanks very m...Thanks for coming Nicole and I agree thanks very much to the original poster who is clearly brave and awesome. I send you both much much love. xoxoElizabeth J. (Ibby) Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08330631899371657005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-62652206160949334342013-08-02T14:27:35.387-07:002013-08-02T14:27:35.387-07:00((Leah)) Love love love. I am so happy we will fin...((Leah)) Love love love. I am so happy we will finally meet IRL xoxo.Elizabeth J. (Ibby) Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08330631899371657005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-21645379504524254672013-08-02T14:26:54.813-07:002013-08-02T14:26:54.813-07:00Thinking...now I like the sound of thinking, it...Thinking...now I like the sound of thinking, it's a fave hobby! I will sure look into it Kathy, thanks for the tip! And thanks for coming!Elizabeth J. (Ibby) Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08330631899371657005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-67374588026140619422013-08-02T14:25:46.030-07:002013-08-02T14:25:46.030-07:00Jess! Thanks for reading! Yay!Jess! Thanks for reading! Yay!Elizabeth J. (Ibby) Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08330631899371657005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-72916126261587059532013-08-02T14:25:22.440-07:002013-08-02T14:25:22.440-07:00Aw thanks Brenda :) I always love seeing you here...Aw thanks Brenda :) I always love seeing you here, and you say such sweet things!Elizabeth J. (Ibby) Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08330631899371657005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-19439201445596019642013-08-02T14:24:57.628-07:002013-08-02T14:24:57.628-07:00Ahhhhh yeah, Preach it! All KINDS of ways to comm...Ahhhhh yeah, Preach it! All KINDS of ways to communicate. Here is someone who wasn't having ANY of that Kool-Aid. :)Elizabeth J. (Ibby) Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08330631899371657005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-53131013191162462472013-08-02T14:24:02.869-07:002013-08-02T14:24:02.869-07:00What a lovely compliment, Lydia xxoo !! I hope to ...What a lovely compliment, Lydia xxoo !! I hope to see more of you around here :)Elizabeth J. (Ibby) Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08330631899371657005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-17186542339830383332013-08-02T14:23:36.761-07:002013-08-02T14:23:36.761-07:00Thank you so much Mary! It's lovely to meet yo...Thank you so much Mary! It's lovely to meet you :) And thanks for sharing !!Elizabeth J. (Ibby) Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08330631899371657005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-87032099700215435782013-08-02T14:23:07.430-07:002013-08-02T14:23:07.430-07:00Thanks Ariane xxoo I put the url into the body so ...Thanks Ariane xxoo I put the url into the body so people can click it!Elizabeth J. (Ibby) Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08330631899371657005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-82049975818688241232013-08-01T19:49:45.552-07:002013-08-01T19:49:45.552-07:00Day to day, my children and their various diagnose...Day to day, my children and their various diagnoses do not phase me. Each day, we learn more about what makes them tick and how to help them deal with the outside world. Sure, we have our stressful moments, but those seem normal now. <br /><br />My biggest stresses come from family members making what I have always felt to be excuses for my children in order to rationalize their diagnoses. I am learning to bite my tongue and to turn to the communities of people who can help share in my children's successes and commiserate with their frustrations.<br /><br />These networks of strangers offer so much support and strength and I am forever grateful.Ketomomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09107091916176150610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-61438052189184942452013-08-01T18:41:17.399-07:002013-08-01T18:41:17.399-07:00It's not the questions that bother me. It'...It's not the questions that bother me. It's the judgements. "Well, you know as parents, we can sometimes enable our children..." I will answer questions til I run out of breath. Teaching people who care enough to ask is not a burden to me. It's the ones who have determined negative things about me based on their limited knowledge that exhausts me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-32043483893085905822013-08-01T10:08:16.496-07:002013-08-01T10:08:16.496-07:00Thank you. Thank you to Dealing with Family Member...Thank you. Thank you to Dealing with Family Members for conveying something I struggle with for my little boy and to you Ibby for answering it so well. In tears so I can't write much more but.. wow. Thank you.Nicolehttp://www.jbearandme.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-58956611124735894312013-08-01T09:53:05.087-07:002013-08-01T09:53:05.087-07:00Thanks Ibby, I was just going to try and recomment...Thanks Ibby, I was just going to try and recomment with a proper link! Since you took care of that for me, will now just retweet and reshare on FaceBook!!!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13287287238883728249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-10416293053174908762013-08-01T09:32:01.729-07:002013-08-01T09:32:01.729-07:00((Ibby)) Thank you for taking the time to break th...((Ibby)) Thank you for taking the time to break this down and answer so thoughtfully and sensitively and with so many layers. I am with Brenda and Ariane... and will be widely sharing this treasure you have offered. <br /><br />Love and appreciation for wonderful you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-9106166207425269942013-08-01T09:16:13.577-07:002013-08-01T09:16:13.577-07:00And this is why I love RDI ( relationship developm...And this is why I love RDI ( relationship development intervention)...as a mom with two kiddoes dx with Autism... The focus is helping our kids with decision making...RDI does NOT focus on talking...actually says to talk less and let the person THINK for themselves!!! The power in that is incredible!!!!!!!!!!! Google what is rdi!!!!!!!!!Kathyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03982646167594187250noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-46761246442923564232013-08-01T08:03:07.625-07:002013-08-01T08:03:07.625-07:00oh hell yes. hell. yes. thank you, ib. again. oh hell yes. hell. yes. thank you, ib. again. jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12741476791827870513noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-68583272058582324442013-08-01T06:26:20.252-07:002013-08-01T06:26:20.252-07:00Oh, I love you, Ibby. You know exactly how to brea...Oh, I love you, Ibby. You know exactly how to break these things down and explain them. Must share, must share!Brenda Rothman (Mama Be Good)https://www.blogger.com/profile/17399227210081662280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-15870027219656344872013-07-31T23:16:41.470-07:002013-07-31T23:16:41.470-07:00Everybody should have the right to get what they w...Everybody should have the right to get what they want, so communication for me has always been a priority and yes I have used evidence based methods like pecs to teach my 2 kids to get what they want. Being able to express themselves in pictures, that made sentences, made it easier for ME (yes its all about me) to understand and get to know what they liked. I was then able to take an interest in their interests, adapt my world to theirs and they let me in.<br />Words came second to that. My son used the pictures to remember the words he *needed*. But he had been using the words he *wanted* like "emu" and counting and the alphabet. Pictures enabled him to get a drink, or a cookie or ask for the toilet as and when he decided that he would like the toilet in preference to the pull-ups he wore until he was almost 5. Spoken words became more powerful to him; not as powerful as written or typed words but powerful enough for him to become a very fluent vocal talker - on topics that interested him. We are very similar in that at age 44 and 15 respectively, we probably communicate best in writing but can manage quite well when we need to talk out loud. He especially enjoys quoting film scripts and is beside me quoting "Garfield 2" as I write.<br /><br />My daughter who is 2 years younger did not have any meaningful babble by the time she was 3. As a result she did not get state-funded speech-therapy and I was left to get her what I could using my own resources which at the time were limited to a state pension.<br />I did the full 2 day pecs course myself and introduced communication to her using pictures at age 3. She was fluent within a couple of months and again I was able to understand and connect with her by following her interests. She was especially good at using complex picture combinations to get precisely what she wanted. Spoken words did not follow but the evidence based training I had been given taught me not to stress over this. And family were actually very impressed with her ability to use her pictures. In fact my daughter knew that even if I said no to her request for chocolate she could always get her way by using her pictures on her Granny or anyone basically who was visiting as they would be so flattered by my daughter's attention. <br /><br />I too was told that if someone wasn't speaking by Age X then they would never talk but I didn't fuss over it. I learned to focus on communication and the bond that comes from understanding over speech. More evidence based courses taught me that my daughters fluent picture communication was of equal if not greater value because she understood how to get what she wanted.<br />I kept working at home on imitation games using the things that *she* loved and at Age 6 she began to name all her favourite toys. By Age 8 she was talking when she pointed to her pictures some of the time, but used pictures when we could not understand.<br />At 14 she mostly talks in 3 word sentences but will revert to pictures if she cannot say the word she needs. We have our moments of extreme frustration when neither a word or a picture can be found but we persevere until we can work it out.<br />When she sings she sings without words but she knows the tune and the sounds and it makes her happy.<br /><br />I've since found many published and replicated studies that completely refute the "if they don't talk by X" claim. I've also seen published and replicated studies that show that giving someone the means to communicate, by whatever means can actually lead to them beginning to talk. <br />But denying augmentative or alternative means never leads to "the words coming" spontaneously. We have to prioritise communication as a right in my view and give everyone the ability to get what they want. If they in turn want to include us in their world then that is the privilege. Lisamareehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18445509438246694219noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-43800334907860382562013-07-31T16:36:38.948-07:002013-07-31T16:36:38.948-07:00As an autistic person, and as a sometimes-more-ver...As an autistic person, and as a sometimes-more-verbal-than-others person, and as a person who went to college for elementary ed and as a writer... this post is beautiful and awesome on every one of those levels. Thank you for it.Lydiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09868135817735938910noreply@blogger.com