tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post1452703905733224071..comments2024-01-18T05:02:46.000-08:00Comments on Tiny Grace Notes (Ask an Autistic): Letter From Devoted Phoenix, Part 1 (Letter)Elizabeth J. (Ibby) Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08330631899371657005noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-21049889634644797512013-08-28T15:05:22.333-07:002013-08-28T15:05:22.333-07:00Thanks guys, you rock.Thanks guys, you rock.Elizabeth J. (Ibby) Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08330631899371657005noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-74161498372074135132013-08-20T09:34:15.712-07:002013-08-20T09:34:15.712-07:00If she is like me, she would prefer to do her own ...If she is like me, she would prefer to do her own learning by reading books she can disagree with (without emotional entanglement) and put down when it gets overwhelming. I would suggest books by Jessica Kingsley Publishing on unwritten social rules. I wish I had had those books available in my preteens and adolescence. Knowing why I had such trouble with eye contact and why other people find me weird when I could not sense any weirdness within me was very helpful. By reading a lot of the essays on Wrong Planet I have come to learn what is my fault, what is not my fault, what is not the fault of the "neurotypical", and ways to work around some of the social deficits that promote negative reactions. Now that I know my rigidity causes problems, I have learned to not express my deep rage at change, and to take deep breaths until I can cope.<br />I am grateful that I had a mother who, while she had no idea why I was such a difficult child, spent a lot of time patiently explaining in private why I should not have said what I said, and what I should have said, and why. She never let me know I spent time in classes for the "retarded" until I had graduated from college. She never let me know I was harder to raise than my siblings.leliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09322159218521168878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-43887626749186977292013-08-20T09:22:30.418-07:002013-08-20T09:22:30.418-07:00I love this letter, Phoenix. You are enough for yo...I love this letter, Phoenix. You are enough for your child just as you are. You are present, engaged, and paying attention. To help your girl get through this difficult time means extra time with you - just being - and plenty of time with your village of support - a a group of parents with your line of thinking and other girls who are close to their parents - also with girls/adults with the same disability - or other disabilities - whom you both can spend time with. It's important to know there are others who think like us and can help us as we mother our children.Brenda Rothman (Mama Be Good)https://www.blogger.com/profile/17399227210081662280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-1111072123089287802013-08-19T12:29:30.579-07:002013-08-19T12:29:30.579-07:00Phoenix, what a beautiful, devoted mother you are....Phoenix, what a beautiful, devoted mother you are. Thank you for seeing your daughter as the whole person she is. Breathe. Your daughter knows you love her. The onset of adolescence can be a rocky time. My girls are in their twenties, but I remember those years like surfing a giant wave; struggle to keep balance, and not let any of us drown. With my children (I still have two at home), I did consciously opt out of all "social skill" training they were offered. I didn't ignore the social minefield of the wider world, but I couched a lot of the unwritten rules like one would in a role playing game. That is, a lot of when they say X they *usually* want Y. No right or wrong, and I made it clear mom is autistic was just as befuddled as to *why* X means Y. <br />Still, this may be a process of years, not months, while she finds her level. I'm middle aged and still constantly tweaking how fully I can be engaged in the world of humans outside my door.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1725958813857579465.post-55142198952883040172013-08-19T10:57:05.438-07:002013-08-19T10:57:05.438-07:00I felt like this alot as a disabled child. Everyo...I felt like this alot as a disabled child. Everyone had one set of known rules and I couldn't seem to master them. When I was 22 years old I met a group of adults with similar disabilities. Then I realized that my "problems" were actually directly tied to being disabled in a nondisabled environment. I needed to talk to/be with other disabled people both my age and older who experienced similar things. Even today, many decades later, I depend on connecting with disabled people to help me deal with the challenges of isolation and discrimination.Rolling Joyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00375703028358977506noreply@blogger.com