I’m Autistic. Should I Self-Disclose?

I’m Autistic. Should I self-disclose? 

It depends.  There are pros and cons to self-disclosure, and a lot has to do with the context you are in, and how much you trust those around you.  This can be hard to figure out.  This short piece will list some potential pros and cons to think about when deciding about telling people in a particular place and time about your Autism, and also give some tips about how to figure out how you feel about your context.

This can be scary territory.  Remember, self-disclosure is a very personal topic.  There is nothing to be ashamed of in being Autistic.  There is also nothing to be ashamed of in keeping yourself safe.  It’s a balancing act.

If you have read this blog before, you know that it is written by someone who spent the early professional years mostly “in the closet” (trying to not let anyone know, with various amounts of success) and then recently decided to widely and deliberately self-disclose in all sorts of public, so therefore has comparison knowledge about both situations.

Six Good Things About Disclosing

1. You don’t have to worry about people finding out because you are in control of them finding out

2. You get a chance to educate people about things you need, or about Autism in general, instead of listening to people just make assumptions all day

3. You can access legal protections (you can get these by disclosing only to the HR office, or the appropriate authorities; you don’t have to tell everyone)

4. It is easier for others in the community online and in real life to find you and make friends

5. You can feel a sense of pride in who you are, and hold your head up high, and not hide

6. You can march in parades and join solidarity groups like ASAN, which gives you more power in life!

Six Not So Good Things About Disclosing

1. Some ignorant people will suddenly act like you are automatically incompetent and talk down to you

2. These same types of people might decide to leave you out of things if they are not already doing that

3. Other people might be afraid to approach you or ask you questions because they are nice but they don’t know what Autism is and they are scared of new information

4. Some people believe false beliefs about Autism, and they might apply these to you

5. Explaining about things too much can make you kind of tired
6. Other well meaning people who are nice but don't understand might make you do more things because they need a token disabled person, which also makes you tired

You might notice that the good things and the not so good things are sort of equal in weight, so they don’t automatically make the decision easy.  This is where the context and people come in, but people are hard to predict.

So to figure this out, you really have to think about yourself.  Here is a grid about what you might think when you read the above lists that can help you decide.  You can use it to read the Pro and Con list again, and see which reaction matches yours the most.  Then, see if the answer that the grid gives you feels good.  Remember, there’s no right or wrong, there’s only your choice of what is comfortable.   Also remember you don't have to tell everyone there is: you can make this choice in stages. And you don't have to tell anyone.  It's up to you to do what you want because you are you and you are the one who chooses.  When I finally told the world, I was very glad I did, though, just to let you know one person's experience.  You can sort of tell because of who I am on the rest of this blog that the positives outweigh the negatives, for me.  Best of luck to you on your own journey!

***Note from Ib: This blog post and the next are general questions asked of me in general and answered more widely.  I am working on the answer to "Dealing With Family Matters" who has a very delicate and important personal question that has been in the hopper and it's taking me a while to actually work it out.  DWFM... I am asking for a lot of family advice and also input from wise people I know on your dilemma and I hope I can help!